Back to Blog
Stephen Chbosky, "The Perks of Being a Wallflower"
I’m struggling to come up with new column topics, and it’s not because there are a lack of things that interest me or that I want to address, it’s just that...well, every time I start a column and then try to develop it I always seem to look for ways to redirect and to focus my topic on the same one thing, and a part of me is doing it subconsciously and another part of me doesn’t want to write about anything else.
We talk about love, a lot. It’s one of the most common themes in the humanities, and in our day-to-day lives, even in history and politics there are layers and aspects of love that we actively seek out, for any number of reasons. If we are lacking love in our lives, or we feel like we are—actually, I’m going to interject a moment, I’ve always thought it fascinating when we are interested in someone in particular we just don’t notice anybody else. We might feel lonely if the ‘apple of our eye,’ doesn’t notice us, and in our loneliness and our desire, we tend to ignore the affections of everybody else, we may often even go as far as to feel like “nobody” loves or appreciates us, while there is almost always someone looking at you the way that you’re looking at somebody else but, in our affection or our sorrow, we’re too blind to notice—we lose ourselves in pity, in most cases, however, it’s likely that you are lacking in self-love; and without self-love you’re not going to find true love. It’s important to acknowledge your own interests and dreams and to get to know yourself and to encourage and to develop that self for yourself, and for the people around you, and if you want to attract the things in your life that are important to you.
“we accept the love that we think we deserve.” And, even if we recognize love and accept that love in a particular scope or means, we may not truly accept and welcome or obtain everything that love might offer. I have made it no secret throughout my columns over the last, gosh, several months, really, that I am in love. It’s not perfect but, almost nothing is. She’s in my life and I welcome that as nothing short of a miracle, because she is a miracle. Quiet literally, actually through her one can more openly know God. You follow my columns and my blogs so you know my understanding and relationship with God I have been candid about it; though her I genuinely relate to God differently, and more openly, and I believe that anybody that knows her is better for it, and has a better relationship with the people around them, and with God. She is a miracle.
Nevertheless, I might be better off, in the long run, not getting too deeply involved but here’s the thing, I have self-love, and I know true love, and to love unconditionally, even if we were capable of making the choice, means to love wholeheartedly in the moment because, regardless of our situation and how perfect our love might be that is all any of us really have: moments, and how those moments are labeled is irrelevant, how they are spent is what matters. And we—her and I—we never waste a single moment, and we never have. So I cannot be anything but grateful and I cannot express anything by love, unconditionally.
I wrote something for her, the other day, and I want everyone to read it (no, love, it’s not that...), for obvious reasons, because this is why it’s so difficult for me to come up with columns. I mean, it’s the start of a new year for goodness sake! I own an online bookstore! I could easily write about resolutions and reading and how all of you should resolve to read a book a week and resolve, as well, to acquire said books from the best online source of literature knowledge and supply here at Communitea Books ;) , but here I am, not writing about any of those things. Still, I mean, to be honest, is that really what “you people” want to be reading? I have a wealth of knowledge of literature and a variety of so many other things but you don’t care because the reason we read and acquire knowledge is so that we can connect with people to read about people connecting with other people, and there is no greater means of connection than love.
I’m sure you’ve heard the expression that you love someone so fiercely that you want to, “shout it from a mountain top.” I have heard it, of course, and I thought that I understood it but I didn’t, not really, not until I found you. What it is-is this ceaseless, infinite warmth inside that intensifies and is amplified as if it were about to rupture, like Whitman’s “Barbaric Yawp” and it’s yowling, it is yawping, “I love you.” ...but, no I mean, “I love you!”...you still don’t get it, “I LOVE YOU!” mm, no that’s still not quiet it, “I...LOVE...YOU!...”
And, by “I love you,” what I’m really trying to say, of course, is that “I am yours, absolutely.” You are the reasons and the aspirations, and you are the odyssey, and you are how we are capable of knowing God, and you are...and you are...and you are… and it’s not any one thing, it is the apex, it is the composition of all the things, which is why it takes me in circles, because the only way to express all the things enveloped in the perfection of your love is simply,
I love you.
. . . . . . .
..also, resolve to read and to buy all of your books from Communitea Books, because even if I don’t have it, I will get it, and in better condition, and a better price (for the condition) than you’ll find on Amuhzon or at Brahms & Nurples.
How am I able to do that you might ask? Simple, by taking a page from Michael Scott’s playbook and undercutting the price of my competition so ambitiously that I am simultaneously putting myself out of business as well as forcing Amuhzon to make me an offer! Take that business strategy!
“I am going to make this so much harder than it needs to be!”