Digging Ourselves into a w(hole)

The first U.S. Presidential candidate announced his candidacy 596 days prior to election day. The first U.S. Caucus was 281 days before election day this year. Today is March 5th, the election is November 3rd that’s 243 days from today. Our elections are considerably longer than most countries, I mean, when compared, it’s asinine. Elections in France generally last two weeks, two weeks! Can you even imagine that? In Argentina, by law, a candidate can only advertise 60 days prior to election day.

Campaigning is a business, there is money to be made and why limit the profit to two weeks when you can just always be campaigning, forever? You can just campaign despite not knowing, just yet, what it is you’re even campaigning for!

The United States is the greatest country on earth, but that’s in spite of our economic discourse and ethics, and in spite of our government. The roots of our ‘greatness’ might lie in the ingenuity of our constitution (Yes, I’m aware that we borrowed much of our ingenuity, a large part of why it worked then/now and didn’t prior was timing, and the station of the rest of the world); we’re losing/have lost much of what ‘made our country great,’ but the idea that what was lost can be gained by political reaction is simply not true, and our campaign process can be an example to that. Somewhere in between the lines—the exploration of which would require a much longer essay—of how the American people relate to the political arena to social media to reality TV to the Coronavirus to the business of entertainment to one another it is all rooted in the same pseudo opportunity: how we exploit freedom.

The American people have been manipulated to apply freedom to our day-to-day lives as an excuse to do, nothing. That’s how we actively pursue the rights of the American dream.


1. I maintain the right to do whatever the hell I want, because I’m an American.
2. I’ll exercise that right by doing absolutely nothing.


Still, we do have to find a way to spend our time doing nothing.

Fortunately, no country on earth has put more effort into new ways to entertain ourselves while we sit on our ass doing nothing; so some of the greatest minds on the planet spend their time thinking of ways to engage the American people in the act of nothingness, and how better to maintain a system of government, simultaneously, than campaigning to an overfed, over-medicated, under-stimulated group of elitists?

The answer is that there is no better way, at least when the aim is to control the 3rd largest populated nation on the planet with as few people in power as possible while maintaining the illusions of circumstance and democracy.

If the tone of this column hasn’t expressed it well enough, I hate campaign season. Revered, good people no longer respect the presidency; people that might actually attack the fundamental problems of our nation. It’s like the 2004 Olympic basketball team: nobody wanted to do it, it just wasn’t worth working through the summer, and the United States placed 3rd, returning home with the bronze medal.

Americans like to talk a big game, because we have the history to substantiate it, nevertheless, at present (I mean, roughly, the last 40 years, especially), we’ve just been coasting on the greatness of our predecessors. And no amount of policy or political application is going to change that; we need a leader we don’t need to be lead, we’re relying too much on someone else to fix our problems for us while disregarding what the problems actually are. It’s laziness; we’re lazy, you’re lazy.

Oh, and calm down about COVID 19.

Words like pandemic are scary, and that many people experiencing the unfathomably irritating symptoms of fever, cough, and shortness of breath in such a short time frame is scary too, I guess, but, I mean: take a bath, make yourself some tea, curl up with a good book, watch the first phase of the Marvel movies and then move on with your lives! You have all been looking for a reason to do nothing anyway, remember! There is no more obvious sign of fear based manipulation from the media anywhere, at present. And now you people are spreading it—and everything else—because you think the relevance of social media turns around the gravity of your opinion, it’s doesn’t. Thank G~d!

Go to China, and then go everywhere else, and then come back, and then go to the mall.

And, for goodness sake stop watching the news, nobody is saying anything, nobody has said anything for 20 years. ​