Have you ever been in the position, while in conversation, where you make a seemingly blanket statement and whomever you’re conversing with responds with something like, “You don’t know that!” Say you made a character judgement about a mutual acquaintance, or something along those lines, and you were called out on it. I am quite certain that every one of us, at some point, has either made a character judgement or called someone out for making one. Have any of you ever thought about the senselessness of that response? You don’t know that! Because, like, of course I don’t bloody know that, and neither do you—so why do we say it, or any number of similar commands? Simply, it is because we unconsciously think in absolutes. It is more common, when we hear someone make a statement, to assume that they think they know everything, when, in actuality, none of us are speaking beyond the purview of our own perspectives. So, again, why in that case do we question others, and ourselves?
The way that people communicate with one another has changed steadily over the last ten years, and each of us has our own understanding of what that looks like, exactly. However the basics of conversation have not changed, and I believe that at the foundation of our perceived misunderstanding is a growing lack of effort, or the willingness to effort the time that is required to develop relationships, and to be better communicators. We have seen at the foundation of our current digital world order a growing, and marketed desire to simplify our lives in their entirety, and no generation maneuvered that better that better than Millennials.
I need to interrupt myself briefly for a moment to explain something so that throughout the course of this series on Communication we can all remain on the same page, at least in reference to the perspective that I am applying certain understandings. We have found ourselves in a position, for the first time, where generational experts find themselves disagreeing with one another regarding generational boundaries such as where does a generation of Millennials end and Generation Y begin. The majority of the public seems to accept that Millennials include everyone between the ages of—roughly—twenty and thirty-seven, and, personally I could not disagree more. Millennials as far as me—and many experts—are concerned fit in between the ages of twenty and twenty-seven or twenty-eight. Frankly the accepted generational boundary of fifteen years that has established generational lines for the last sixty plus years was interrupted by the invention of the smartphone. 2007 began a new era in human understanding, and evolution, and everything changed. So, when I speak of Millennials I am referring to people between the ages of twenty and—we’ll say—twenty-eight.
There is far more going on during the act of communication, and building/developing relationships than simply an exchange of words between two, or more people. Communication scientists and theorists developed a model to explain interpersonal communication called the Interpersonal Communications Model. The necessity of such models became clear when it became clear that what we are saying “between the lines” ends up shaping those lines, which offers insight into why some people are effective communicators in some situations and not in others. In our infancy, as we are learning about talk and developing our words and discovering our selves we learn how to react to the way that others are reacting to us, and we start to realize that there is a difference between us and them, and the way that they speak back to us, as a result we begin to develop a narrative of self, which is followed later in our childhood with the notion that we need to build relationships, and develop connections with other people, and much later in life the ability to influence people; and we do so in order for us to understand what’s going on around us, and how we are going to be treated by others.
“What’s going on? What’s going to happen next? How am I being treated?”
There is a Sender/Message --> Channel --> and Receiver (SMCR) in the Interpersonal Communication Model and it wasn’t until the 1950’s that we began putting the emphasis of communication on the Receiver and not the Sender, the direction of our conversations, and the means in which we actually communicate is largely dependent on how the Receiver reacts to the message based on how the message was interpreted or misinterpreted. When two people are communicating we are not talking about a topic only, we are developing micro-definitions of self, who we are is being revealed when we talk, and in so many more ways than the words we choose, which are sometimes themselves manipulated by either Semantic or Psychological Noise, the meanings or prejudices that we maintain for any number of reasons of those words.
In every conversation between yourself and someone else there are always six people also involved in the conversation:
In Face-to-face situations communication is inevitable. We are always combining the use of words and non-verbals when interacting with one another, and in every situation a message whether we intended to or not is always sent, whether it’s as intentional and situationally obvious as a once over or as slight as the energy or vibes that surround us at any particular moment. What we are saying—or not saying—and how we are expressing it are related to one another, and they can either enforce or contradict one another, inasmuch every conversation is always about content and relationship, we are always talking about a topic and we are also always communicating about how we are treating one another.
“Interpersonal communication is a process whereby two or more people within a particular context and who are aware of each other act together to create and manage shared meanings, through non-conscious display or conscious sending and receiving of messages using a shared repertoire of verbal and non-verbal symbols.” ~ Professor Dalton Kehoe
I’ve always found communication, and the way that we communicate with one another to be incredibly fascinating and equally as important, but few people seem to acknowledge it in the same way that I do. When I decided to write a blog series on Communication I made the decision to approach it academically from the perspective of a scientist or a professor, as if the intricacies of how we interact with one another, how we develop relationships: how we communicate, and essentially who we are can be qualified. Our moods, our emotions, our experiences, our traumas, our fears, our anxieties are all reflected in the way that we communicate with another, and in our desire to connect with each other. I believe that our willingness to effort in the means that we communicate and develop relationships will affect upon us the means to open up to connecting with one another in ways that we have not yet explored.
Myths and mythology for much of my life I found to be ingenuous and unworldly; myths went as far even as to annoy me, and I think that for a long time I saw them as unnecessary childlike guides that were intended to help us to interpret our world, and when it occurred to me that-that is exactly what they were the simplicity of it steadily grew on me, and suddenly I felt as if the necessity of myth was more important for our humanity than I was once able to accept, I began to perceive mythology from an emotionally intellectual vantage, and that changed the way that I perceive myself, and the world around me.
We tell stories to help us to understand ourselves and our worlds in ways more spiritual and emotional than we are--or were--otherwise able to acknowledge, however when we take those tales at face value when we ignore the intention and the power of mythology as it affect us spiritually and emotionally we ignore a guiding principle at the root of the human experience. Some myths we dismiss as fairy tale while others are so blindly accepted that we believe them to be literal and not parabolic, and from either perspective we lose a great deal of understanding, and of purpose.
“People say that we we’re all seeking is a meaning for life…I think what we are really seeking is an experience of being alive.” ~ Joseph Campbell
It became abundantly clear to me that we have rapidly abandoned a sense of self for the sake of convenience and diplomatic submissiveness, and we did so, I believe, from a fear of self-reflection, the great professor and writer Joseph Campbell coined the term “follow your bliss,” a modern manifestation of similar phrases such as “Know your own happiness,” (Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility; 1811) , “People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing,” (Dale Carnegie, quoted by Jill Murphy Long in her book Permission to Play: Taking Time to Renew Your Smile; 2003) and others, and still for one reason or another it can be incredibly daunting being asked to find what makes you happy and then to do it [often], for a number of reasons, if not that people get stuck—we feel stuck. I know that personally I have struggled a great deal with the concept: the idea that once you discover who you are, and/or what you’re supposed to do everything should simply fall into place, which, of course, begs the question: well, how the hell do I do that? And, what if I never actually find out who I am, or what I’m supposed to be doing?
I have suffered from numerous creative blocks throughout my life that have affected me in ways: emotional, physical and intellectual, and every one of them was based the subconscious ideal that I really don’t have all that much to offer, and so I would kind of shut down at first and then that attitude would become a very real part of my personality. Like in the Jim Carrey Movie, Yes Man (2008). I actively sought different ways to change the way that I process thought and that I perceived that world. And yet the incredible healing power of myth has always been readily available, the issue has become that many of us have been conditioned to perceive myth as the childlike fairy tale only, and not encrypted parables developed to model and oversee our emotional and spiritual selves.
“I’ve come to the conclusion that mythology is archaeological psychology. Mythology gives you a sense of what a people believes, and what they fear.” ~ George Lucas.
Religion is a mythology that wears the mask of its own certainty, a parable which has been denied the possibility of evolution, and the only thing, the only idea since its inception that has been disallowed to evolve. Revelation 22:18 I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this scroll; if anyone adds to them God will add to that person the plagues described in this scroll. Joseph Campbell said something along the lines of: the narrative of Christianity can stay the same; the myths are based in truth, it just needs to incorporate modern myths in order to successfully associate with a contemporary ideology.
Myths allow us to conceptualize feeling and our spirituality in ways that would otherwise be difficult if not impossible for many to understand. These stories offer us a way to relate exactly in the only way that we are—or were—capable, as a reflection of the physical self. Consider the Roman or Greek pagan Gods, for example, and specifically the fact that there were so many: God(s) of the Sun, God(s) of War and of Love and others, many of us who have been raised with the perception that God is a being the origin of our image, whether we believe in God or not, and we attribute that to the Roman and Greek Gods of myth, but, in reality, these gods were merely vessels, the personification of what we might not understand in order for us to relate to the myth, and to our world. Campbell refers to them [God(s)] as an energy, or a reflection of the Sun or of War or of Love. Myth opens us up to the energies of the universe so that we can relate, and experience our universe on an emotional level.
Unfortunately we canonized the ethos of our myths, the space holders—the characters—and allowed the truths that, “All the Gods, all the Heavens, and all the Hells are within [you] us…” To be appropriated and manipulated and turned into fairy tales and further for our general perception of what a myth is to be distorted.
Have you ever wondered why we accept the standards from which we build the foundation of so many of our ideas upon? Have you ever looked at a definition, for example, and wondered why it was necessary to suggest, as an addition to the definition, that something might be, “A widely held but false belief or idea?”
Myths offer us only an opportunity to relate to our world and ourselves in ways that we otherwise may not be able, by inviting us to explore the energies and the many experiences that we are capable of in our lives, experiences that, without our myths, we may otherwise neglect or be guarded against.
I am a freelance author, writer, critic, artist, and entrepreneur living in the Heart of the Texas Hill Country.